Ignorance
by 18spashley
Summary: Living in the South... Surrounded by homophobia and racism. Do you tolerate it or do you fight it head on? What do you do when the main source of ignorance comes from your family? -eventually Spashley
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story is based on my experiences. The character of Pa, is especially truthful and raw. Pa is based strongly off of my grandfather. This chapter introduces Pa. Each family member is significant and will be explained at some time. This fic will not be just about the relationship between Pa and the narrator.**

**This is not meant to stereotype the South in anyway but just tells my experiences there. There are good people in the South and please don't let this influence your thoughts of it because you have to experience it yourself. Racism and homophobia are everywhere, so this could take place anywhere. The town of Judson was picked at random and the characters in this fic do not represent the people of Judson.**

**-Read & Review please**

**Thanks, LC**

_It's noon here in my rural town of Judson, South Carolina. There are about 2,500 folks in Judson and I'm sure my family knows most of 'em. Most of the folks around here work in either the BMW or Michelin factory. My Pa is on the board of our church and he tells us which folks we are 'good' and which are 'bad'. You may have learned in your 'istory book that segregation ended a long time ago, but that ain't true. Our church is all white and no one is looking to change that. Neighborhoods are segregated too. Black folk are only sold houses in black neighborhoods and if a white gets too friendly with the blacks…they won't have too many friends left._

_I'm sure tonight will be quite the occasion. My brother is flying in to Greenville, a neighboring city with an airport, today with his new girlfriend. My brother was engaged before but I think my Ma and Pa drove her away. I don't get how my brother or even my Mom and Dad let it happen. But then again they don't interfere with anything else Ma or Pa say or do._

I look at Pa sleeping in his chair by the T.V. and deduce that I have some time before I have to go with him to the airport. I turn on the T.V. and start flicking through channels. I stop on a channel with two women passionately kissing. I should change the channel but Pa's sleeping right? I look over and see him in the same position as before. This is taking a huge risk but I can't seem to change the channel. I turn my head back to see that one of the woman's breasts is now revealed and the other woman is licking and sucking the erect nipple. I gasp and my breath hitches. I sit paralyzed staring at the screen for I don't know how long. A few minutes later, the blond haired woman and a darker skinned, dark curly haired woman are lying in bed together.

_My Pa, Jack, he could be a great man; he might be a great man. It's a shame that he's disguised. Disguised by the shield that too many people down here hold in front of themselves. Ignorance. _

_Pa was in the Air Force during the Vietnam War. To this day, I think his favorite things in life are guns and flying. One day when Pa had a few too many beers, he started mumbling about, "Homosexuals…Unnatural…Sinners". I knew Pa was a hate filled homophobe but I never had the background information. I was a curious twelve year old so I decided to ask Pa about why he felt that way. He told me he had a good friend, Gavin, who he met in 'Nam. Pa grew close to Gavin until years later, after the war; he told Pa that he was gay. Pa felt betrayed and that Gavin was being dishonest with him. Pa said many hurtful things to Gavin before refusing to see him ever again._

_Pa acts like he's from the south; but he's not. Pa's actually a Yankee, born and raised. Pa tells stories of his Catholic upbringing in New Hampshire, parochial school, and his torturing of nuns. After the war, Pa met Ma. They got married and eventually had Mom._

I'm sitting up as straight as a board when Pa groans and starts to get up out of his chair. I gulp and prepare for hell. Spur of the moment, I close my eyes and act like I am sleeping on the couch. Then…

"**What the hell is this?** **Sinners!**" Pa yells. I try to keep my composure and hold in my laughter, as Pa fumbles around like a chicken with its head cut off. I think he's trying to find the controller to turn the T.V. off. I hand him the controller and act innocent as I look at him, furrowing my eyebrows and looking at him questionably.

"Damn Showtime," Pa mutters. "I knew we shouldn't have been getting these 'porno' channels just for Daystar." Daystar is a Christian T.V. station. I know, ew.

My older sister, Victoria, comes into the room and immediately checks on Pa who is pacing around the room. Victoria…I hate to say that I hate her, but I do. She's so perfect. She's smarter than me, blonder than me, nicer than me…but more about her later.

Of course, she calms him right down and returns to her room to 'do' whatever she 'does'. She's probably brushing her hair thousands of times like Marcia from the Brady Brunch. Suddenly Pa is staring right at me and I'm staring right back. He grabs his keys and starts walking towards the door. I follow him out to the car as I wonder why I agreed to do this earlier in the day.

I've barely even climbed into the car before the lecture begins. Pa looks over my clothes. To me, it's just a hoodie and jeans; to him, who knows? I immediately regret coming for the ride and my choice of attire for the day. I know Pa wants me to just be a good Southern girl and put on a cute dress for the short trip. But that's not me, if he wanted that he should have took Victoria. Pa wants me to impress the new girlfriend, who apparently is a good Southern girl from Alabama.

Luckily this is only a twenty minute ride because less than one minute has passed and I'm already tired of this. "Why did you wear a hoodie? Don't you remember what I told you about those? Only those blacks (he said a much worse word here but I refuse to write or speak it) wear those, looking like hoodlums. Do you want to send that message?"

_He thinks we have a good relationship. I laugh at his sick jokes and let him control me. He thinks I look up to him and value his opinions but he could not be more wrong. I despise him._

"No sir," I reply. For Victoria, or even my Mom and Dad this state of mind will be accepted blindly. Not even thought about. But for me, I can barely tolerate it. I have to remind myself constantly to keep my mouth shut and eventually I will break away from all of this. For some this might be okay, the homophobia, racism and over all ignorance. But I can't. I cannot live by my Pa's controlling behavior forever. I never planned to break any of his rules but I already have unknowingly, just by being myself.

I, Spencer Carlin, represent my Pa's worst nightmares, just by labeling myself with one word. Gay.


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the ride to the airport is silent as Pa listens to his favorite Gospel station on the radio

A/N: Thank you so much for all the comments. I love that so many people can relate to this story and the characters. Please continue to read and review even to just say that you either loved it or hated it. Thanks!

The rest of the ride to the airport is silent as Pa listens to his favorite Gospel station on the radio. We reach the airport and I make my way into the airport. It only takes me a minute or two to make it to the baggage claim in the relatively small airport to find Glen standing with two bags looking around nervously. Glen is not usually nervous.

_I was ten and Glen was sixteen. He picked on me all the time. Stole food off my plate at dinner, hit me a little too hard, and made fun of the yellow blanket I still carried around. Glen adapted to the rules of the family quite easily. Glen wasn't mean spirited but easy going so I couldn't blame him for blindly following the expectations. Glen was a jock and your conventional teenage boy so it wasn't too difficult for him._

_When Glen was eighteen and graduated from high school, I begged for him to not go away to college. I pleaded with him to not leave me with the now thirteen-year-old Victoria, a full-fledged teenager in every sense. I understand now, five years later, that Glen had to leave. He had to get out of this bubble that we are protected by here. Glen went to school in New York, a big city. He talked to the family often at first but eventually drifted away. Glen always reassured the family though, that he was not being corrupted by the city, full of sin._

Glen notices me coming and suddenly drops his bags and envelopes me in a strong hug. I have always loved Glen's hugs, comforting and confident. I realize that no one else is with him and ask him, "Where's Chelsea?" with an eyebrow rose.

"She had an important call with a director of a gallery in Austin." Glen picks up on my worried look and quickly adds, "She'll be here in two hours."

I've never met Chelsea before. I visited Glen and Madison, his former fiancée, when I visited him in Dallas last year. Glen got a great marketing job right out of college last year. I begged him to convince my parents to let me travel to Dallas to visit my brother.

Glen, engaging back in conversation asks me, "So, I have girlfriend now."

"Yeah…" I reply not knowing where he is taking this.

"When are you going to get a girlfriend?"

_At sixteen, I realized I was different. I wasn't like Victoria. I didn't obsess over boys. I didn't feel the need to put on makeup and do my hair perfectly before walking out the door. At first I just thought I was a tomboy or haven't met 'that' guy yet. Now I think that I was lying to myself. I soon was spiraling into a black hole of lesbianism. I also was starting to question the things taught to me by my family and my pastor. I could hardly sit down and listen to the bullshit coming out of the pastor's mouth during mass. I needed to escape._

_The only con of being in Dallas was Glen's slutty girlfriend, Madison. Madison was from Los Angeles, which according to my family is even worse than New York. As soon as I arrived, Glen looked at me surprised and said that something was different. I told him that four years would do that but he kept questioning and trying to figure out whatever mystery he had found. After the effects ofbeing closeted for a few months, I decided to come out to him. Once I told him, I got the opposite reaction than I expected. Glen actually started jumping up and down and screaming, "I knew it! I knew something was different!"_

I blush and said, "No. Glen, you know I can't do that in our house."

"So…rebel, it's really bad ass. I did it," Glen replied. I look at Glen confused. What does he mean rebel?

"What? When did you rebel?" I question.

"Oh, you know, moving away from home." I know that there is more to this story but I don't want to make Glen more nervous than he already is. I wonder where Pa is.

"I think we should find Pa," I tell Glen, hoping to make him calmer and more relaxed.

Glen and I walk out of the airport and on the street we see Pa's van. I get in but Glen stays behind. I hope he's not expecting a greeting.

"What 're you doin' boy, git in the car," Pa greets.

"Uh Pa, Chels isn't going to be here for another two hours so I thought I'd wait and we'd just catch a cab later."

"Don't be ridiculous boy, we can come back for her later."

"Okay Pa," Glen replies solemnly. He gets in the van and we silently drive home until we pass the Bojangles' that causes Pa so much rage.

"You remember about that Bojangles, right Glen? Those people that frequent there, those black hoodlums."

"What did they ever do to you," I mumble quietly.

"What?" Pa questions.

""Nothing," I reply and look over at Glen smiling at me slightly but sadly.

"Make sure you tell Chelsea that white folk don't go there, okay Glen?" Pa asks.

"I don't think that will be a problem," Glen replies shakily.

We continue our journey home and I can't help but feel that something is not right. I can feel in the air that drama is to come.


End file.
